LISTEN ME !

Assalamualaikum w.b.t 

its been a long time tak update this blog. actually tak lahh busy mana nak dibanding kan dengan jadual harian. cuma tak berapa kesempatan and not in the mood and feel of blog. and for this entry , i don't know how long will i mumbling . so kalau it seems to be bored, apologize from me. 

act nak post new entry 1 month ago, yes during my birthday week. tapi itu laa. kekangan, masa dan pelbagai. so bercerita mengenai birthday, kat PASUM je, dah sambut 3 kali. hebat kan ? yea i'm so touched about it.below is the sequences of the event (:

• during the day, 17 FEB, macam biasa. phone tak lekang dari panggilan and message yang masuk. almost all the wishes tak sempat dibalas pun. and wont forget bila Ozzy sang birthday song to me. full version kot. kelainan sambutan tahun ni, bersama insan istimewa, takapalaah even you're the last person who wish me. 

so after a week from my birthday, exactly a week, birthday Sally. memang plan untuk prank dia that night. bila kedua-dua pihak bergabung, memang hebatlaa. dengan lakonan iza yang memang haha spoil habis. tak pernah dibuat pukul 12 malam pergi lepak kat foyer semata-mata nak gossip. memang silapp laa. so bila naik bilik Sally balik, buka pintu, i saw ada 2 cakes. so i thought maybe one from Syaza's and one from us. bila they sang the birthday song, " happy birthday to Diva Mel " . i was like " what the heck ". at last, i was the one yang kena prank teruk. and i was zero about it.

haha bila Naddy suapkan cake (:

tradisi tetap tradisi. nak elak macam mana pun, masih tetap kena hadapi .HAHA

and this is it. my birthday cake. the word tak berapa jelas. act it wrote " Happy Birthday DIVA MEL " haha sengal punya mereka. muka kepenatan semalaman berjalan tak berehat. dan memainkan watak dalam mengenakan Sally. tapi termakan diri sendiri pulaa (:

• and the last one, during awal bulan of March, time English class. tak sangka Miss Alida pun sekali join nak kenakan birthday boy and girl of Feb. dah laa suruh faham and present kat depan about the presentation punya idea. memang silaap la nak present kat depan. tau tau, bila they open the door , " SURPRISE !! " haha memang menjadi laa kan. so we all celebrate untuk birthday boy and girl yang lahir bulan Feb. 

so i'm done for the birthday section, so apalagii ? hmm. haa memandangkan we all left just about 3 weeks in PASUM, OMG 3 weeks je lagi kot. dulu masih counting bila nak habis. and now, pejam celik pejam celik dah tinggal 3 minggu lagi. and yet, nanti bila masing-masing busy dengan final, tau tau dah last paper.  serious living with you guys memang awesome. Khairani @ Kelly , Nadhirah @ Nelly, Iza @ Izalee , and last , Salmah @ Sally. i dont know how to describe the way i feel about us. it is really super duper awesome. 

so inilah kami, pada malam penutupan KEMAS . 

and inilah dianya, Diva Iza and Diva Mel (:

the night  dinner macam ala-ala dekat kedai tomyam .

this photo act dah lama. but cukup memberikan kenangan bersama (:

yet, banyak yang dah dilalui sepanjang kurang dari a year kat PASUM. melihat gelagat manusia yang pelbagai, culture shock sana sini. perubahan drastik sesetengah manusia. alhamdulillah. masih mampu berdiri teguh tanpa godaan sedemikian. dan segala kisah cinta    yang terjadi, haha cukup menggelikan hati. takpelaa who know's kan memang mereka jumpa jodoh dorang disini. 

*i have something to say about it. i've read all your tweet at Twitter. tak sangka sampai sebegitu. and also your blog. okay. i am just a normal person. tak mampu nak pilih mana baik mana buruk. tak tau which one was the best choice i have. i'm just a part of your life's drama. when you recall me about " it just take a second to change everything ", well it not that easy to get through it. and you said that, 10 years from now you'll be ask me again the same question you ask me. if the person was me laa. takut terlalu perasan pulaa. hadoi susahh. but i know you're strong enough right. aku yakin kau mampu berdiri teguh tanpa sebarang bantuan . ingat itu (:

and bila talk about mylife. Alhamdulillah  syukur atas apa yang diberikan. usia perhubungan serius yang terjalin hampir genap 2 bulan. yes, awak cukup memberikan impak yang besar dalam hidup. bagaimana awak benar-benar menjaga saya, segala janji yang termeterai antara kita. sungguh terharu. lagi-lagi bila awak  memastikan saya  tidur dulu sebelum awak  tidur. kata awak, awak nak pastikan awak tinggalkan saya dalam keadaan baik dan bahagia. 

ternyata saya bahagia dengan awak. adat perhubungan bila persengketaan berlaku, perasaan cemburu , marah . tapi saya tau, mahu saya atau awak, masing-masing tidak sanggup dilepaskan. dan awak tahu kan saya lemah jikalau awak tiada. 

 saya sayang awak , Azreen Izham .

It Just Take A Second To Change Everything (:

tajuk yang cukup beban untuk dikembangkan. memberi beratus makna kerana cabang yang terlalu luas. so the weekend, OMG seriously tired. exhausted. gilaa. many things happen, dalam sekelip mata. tak dirancang . but most of it kembali kepada normal balik. alhamdulillah. macam biasa, semua perkara unplanned. semua last minute. but that the best, sebab confirm comfirm akan berjaya.

present dari Nelly yea!! my trademark, OMG!!

Malam Sabtu four of us having a really awesome night !! having dinner dengan Syirin Faldhira, Haziq Ishak and Kamar Arief. and last, tepat 12am sampai rumah. memang awesome lahh kan. the next day, kuliah yang tak seharusnya pergi pun kalau ikutkan hati. after kuliah sempat take a nap untuk recharge tenaga. sebab tau te rest of the day memang akan sangat memenatkan. and yet, alhamdulillah everything was happen like i wish. cuma biasalaa kesilapan manusia. mungkin hidup dah dibiasakan tanpa menunggu. kalau tak dinasihat, memang goodbye laa. tapi hasil nasihat , kata semangat dan didorong dengan kewarasan, hati masih tetap sabar menunggu. 

pengalaman yang cukup hebat. and we have a really great moment together. and it started at that moment. berjalan kat PWTC , Pavilion. memang cukup memenatkan. tapi melihat karenah dan telatah dia, macam manusia biasa juga. maybe this is the first time we met, so awkward memang tak dinafikan. nasib baik berjaya face it. one thing i wont forget. taksangka dia sanggup mengambil tindakan itu, memandangkan perasaan takut teramat sangat. and i feel very save. bak kata awak : " kalau round banyak kali pun awak sanggup ". haha now i understand. 

and semalam, haha taksangka Nelly akan buy me my favorite chocolate. for my advanced birthday. hehe thanks very much Nelly. i really appreciate it. dah laa bawa spaghetti untuk rakan anda yang kebuluran di kolej. seriously terima kasih. 

so this is the chocolate that i talk about. haha finally tak kempunan daa. and again, thanks Nelly untuk advanced birthday present (:

**taksangka that night was the night you have the guts to propose me. i really didn't expect about it. so i was like so speechless, very speechless. tapi banyak aspect that i concern of. we both spend most of the time texting calling. even skype. you are the one that accompany me during the night, during the time i stay late night to study. and last, you sacrifice your hols to travel all away round to meet me. dari terengganu kot. bukan nya dekat. serious terharu. so final decision have been made, welcome to my life dear . 

nota kaki : kepada awak, awak dan kepada sesiapa pun. i really didn't mean about it. maybe the best for us is just be friend. itu pun sudah cukup membahagiakan kita kan. and more, you deserve much better than me kan. ramai lagi yang menunggu giliran untuk menjadi teman wanita engkau. engkau ada banyak pilihan . don't worry okay. engaku cukup kuat , i know it. lastly, SORRY. tak berniat untuk melukakan hati siapa-siapa pun. maybe ini yang TERBAIK untuk semua (:

Sambungan Kisah Jejaka Kacak .

okay don't knnow why i pick to continue the story about " jejaka kacak ". haha agak melucukan bila baca blog sendiri and all the memory flashback seems to haunt me back. okay forget about it. so sambung berkenaan tajuk, haha jejaka kacak. 

hmm tinggal 2 months lagi kat PASUM. well, many things happen. and you , " jejaka kacak ", seriously i'm not believe with my heart. engkau tak sedar ramai yang menggilai ? em ayat lain, ramai yang adored you. but you still mengharap pada .. ? if you still hope for it. taksangka selama itu engkau memendam perasaan. sanggup mengetepikan perasaan gadis-gadis yang mengharapkan perhatian engkau. sanggup menggadai segala maruah dan perasaan supaya mereka menjadi perhatian utama engkau. tapi engkau sanggup menolak semata-mata untuk perkara itu. 

 - gambar hiasan -

i don't know about it. i was like " whaa miracle gilaa kan that thing happen " . but entahlaa , serious laa happy kan dapat tau . but maybe you're late. A BIT. i mean , " kenapa baru cakap sekarang? " teringat ZIK bila cakap pasal ni. engkau memiliki semua yang gadis impikan. you have a lots of choice . reaally lots. even in the groups pun, tak sampai hati nak guris perasaan rakan sendiri yang turut adored you much. 

and last, if engkau dapat apa yang engkau nak pun, maybe engkau akan menyesal. berani bet for it. biasalaa perasaan yang hadir kan. dah dapat nanti, kalau masih pandai hargai perasaan tu, sumpah orang berkenaan dah cukup bersyukur in case you got what you're hoping for. 

* finally i knew the reason why it take so long to understand about it. maybe 1 day, bila dah cukup kekuatan, or maybe the last day of PASUM, you'll know the reason why .

i'm sorry kacak.

We Start and End with FAMILIES (:

okay , berkenaan dengan tajuk, this post i'll talk about family, of course mine. this Chinese New Year hols memberi banyak pengalaman, hadirnya seorang baby yeaa! yang comel. well, menarik . so for the 2 days, bersatunya keluarga Mokhtar ke destinasi yang taklaa grand sangat, cuma cukup memberi kegembiraan tak terhingga. haha 

so, this is it. ICT s.alam. even rumah dekat dengan ICT pun, baru kesempatan nak pergi. well unplanned. ingat nak terus tidur after whole day berjalan, tapi kakak ajak. jarang dapat peluang macam ni kan. 

haha sumpah jelous melihat kebahagiaan mereka. memory flashback !and they both look sweet together. love you papa mama !

waktu ni, semua dah keletihan. tenaga dah hilang bila awal-awal sampai sini. excited laa katakan. Allan Haziq pun dah mengamuk, 1st time kena selsema. seriously nice view kat ICT. tak rugi kalau datang pun. just wish dapat datang lagi and play all things yang ada kat sana , especially SNOW !

haha takperasan pun bila this photo is taken. when everybody was busy doing their things ~

i forget what this dessert called . emm something mud pie chocolate with ice cream. haha advanced birthday present from kakak. well , thanks a lot. haha walaupun dessert ni cost berapa je, but at least ada laa present juga. it keeps me remind that im getting older soon !

finally, ini laah keluarga Mokhtar. complete set. haha bak kata mama, " tunggu nanti beberapa tahun lagi, kalau makan kat sini, mau the whole table dari depan sampai belakang reserved untuk kita je" . haha really make sense. yelaa kakak entah dah berapa anak time tu, and koko & k.ain pun dah kahwin ada anak. me brought my husband or BF *in case kahwin lambat, and nurul bawa BF. haha kan ? tak sabar nak tunggu that moment. 

 " OUR FAMILY IS IS A CICLE OF STRENGTH OF LOVE. WITH EVERY BIRTH AND EVERY UNION, THE CIRCLE GROWS "

masa untuk menjadi seorang yang dewasa (:

cuti mid semester baru bermula. total day of 1 week, including chinese new year 2 days. jadi, cuti seminggu masih tak tersusun jadual aktiviti. atau mungkin membesarkan badan kat rumah je. 

jadi berkenaan dengan tajuk. hmm well semester 2 penuh dengan dugaan, ujian. maybe nak uji how i can handle sort of things. time keep changing. and im still there waiting for nothing. jap, kenapa ayat macam ni ? okay whatever. actually seriously dont know where to start. semua happen suddenly. when i'm not ready , or at least had a sign. perasaan yang bercelaru. people keeps came and go. 

3 weeks banyak mengajar erti perasaan itu. berkenaan engkau, engkau dan engkau. tipu kalau tiada sekumit perasaan gembira bila mengetahui tentang itu, jujur ia pernah menjadi angan-angan yang dipasang. tapi mungkin belum sedia untuk semua itu. terlalu awal, mungkin. atau masih belum bersedia untuk berkongsi dengan orang lain. i dont know. 

satu kesimpulan sentiasa di minda. time change, people change. perasaan yang wujud hanya menguji sebanyak mana keimanan kita. the rest, is how the way we handle it. kalau sanggup menunggu, alhamdulillah. itu sudah cukup membuktikan that you really want it. kalau dah putus asa, thanks untuk that point. you're not meant for that. so bersabar, jangan berputus  asa. insyaallah apa yang dinantikan akan membuahkan hasil. harap begitu.

< never put too much hope on everything. BE COOL >

*dan saya, juga akan tetap menunggu   ;)

never care about this before. now, everything change.

okay, week 2 is over . here comes week 3. well, some of the resolution in week 2 had been done so well, but not all. about the test, english presentation. alhamdulillah i manage to settle by that week. so in this week 3, what i hope is

• study well in physics test, this time, no marks below 5.
• still trying not stalking his FB. seriously it hurt me much.
• settle all the tutorial by thursday, otherwise, not CNY hols.

*so semalam the whole day and night hang out bersama rakan. dan menghabiskan voucher buku yang kerajaan bagi. itu pun baru rm50 saja. tak decide nak beli apa lagi selain dari stationary. i've been came across this question " kenapa cha tak balik rumah ? " by one of my friend bila keluar semalam. haha okay melissa mokhtar tak balik rumah setiap hujung minggu ? memang harapan laa. yup, memang diakui pun tiap-tiap weekend balik. 

well, it take me a period of time to digest this quest. sebenarnya tak laa pelik mana tak balik rumah pun. entah laa. actually it had been abput 3 week tak balik. selalunya , not selalunya . jarang laa kalau 2 minggu pun at least ada la balik. and kawan added ," cha merajuk ke , bawa lari ea ? " haha memang funny persoalan tu. tapi bila fikir balik. it really make sense. 

entahlaa, balik rumah nak study, memang mimpi laa. that one reason. and another thing, balik rumah , bergaduh. serius sedih gilaa ingatkan jarang-jarang jumpa at least ada laa tunjuk penghargaan or at least layan dengan sempurna. tapi balasan, perbalahan. runtuh hati . 

well, siapa yang minta benda macam ni nak happen. benda dah tak boleh avoid, so must face it. i dont know. macam tawar hati , tapi they still my family. a part of my life. sebak bila setiap kali dapat call dari parent, especially bila mama call. " cha bila nak balik, mama rindu chacha. mama selalu ulang ayat sama. padahal tak laa jauh mana pun klang kl. papa selalu call tanya tak balik ke minggu ni. omg bersalahnya dekat dorang. 

this thing hurt me more when i think about them. menunggu bila anak diaorang yang seorang nak balik rumah. rindu yang bertimbun-timbun since last 3 week dah tak mampu nak tanggung. i'm still the old me. nothing changes. i just need more time for me, and myself. btw, sangat terharu bila papa concern about me, sanggup suruh koko hantar limau mandarin kepada anaknya yang tengah kempunan. terima kasih papa.  

" YA ALLAH, ampunilah hambamu ini . "

WEEK 2 RESOLUTION .

starting a new week, still in a fresh new year.the idea was just came across while im taking my bath. well, every single new things must have at least an aim, goal and sorts.

so i'd like to starting my new every new week with new resolution, so that i know and can able to manage my life well.

• do some revise on biology, tomorrow small test about gene technology, hate it !

• just willing to study physics about AC current, tutorial not yet finished.

• prepared power point for english presentation, at least by tuesday. 

• will never care about how people feels about me. i've my own feelings to be care of !

• never stalk his FB anymore. otherwise, i'll feel like dying.

• can't wait for this weekend, he will fulfill his promises. maybe. 

" never put too much of hope on everything. BE COOL. "